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WEIRDER NEWS: Hospice Helps Dying Man Lose His Virginity

in Confidential on 01/29/07

Or in other words: “Now I can die happy.”

Hospice Helps Dying Man Lose His Virginity

Why can’t we get hospice services like that is this country? Leave it to the Brits to think of everything.

Yes, a British hospice agency assisted 22-year-old Nick Wallis in fulfilling his dying wish: to have sex.

Wallis, who suffers from terminal muscular dystrophy, had despaired of finding a girlfriend after striking out at university. That’s where the Douglas House hospice staff stepped in and offered help securing Wallis a little, ah, companionship the old-fashioned way.

Wallis saved his pennies, the agency made some calls, his parents obligingly left town, and whammo.

Sing it with me now: “A Dream is a Wish your heart makes/When you’re fast asleep…”

So was the Mystery of Sex everything Wallis dreamed it would be? Apparently not.

“It was not emotionally fulfilling,” Wallis says, “but the lady was very pleasant and very understanding. I do not know whether I would do it again. I would much rather find a girlfriend, but I have to be realistic.”

Alas, even the maturity and perspective offered by imminent mortality have not been able to insulate this brave young man from the most basic tenet of human behavior. There’s nothing like availability to kill desirability.

Meanwhile, the hospice workers are participating in a BBC documentary about their efforts to assist dying children — hopefully by less Hustler–esque methods.

Do you think the Make-A-Wish Foundation in the U.S. will be adding this service to their offerings anytime soon? I forecast a number of homely (and horny) teenagers becoming violently ill in the near future…

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