"That’s a Man, Baby!"

I always wanted to look like a movie star. Who knew that all it takes is a haircut?

Wanna see the new me?

Minus the sideburns, this is my new “do.” Jealous?

WELL, YOU CAN HAVE IT! I WANT MY HAIR BACK!!!!!

I kid you not. This is my hair. Take a good look at yonder Adam Brody because you won’t be seeing me in public anytime soon.

It isn’t just that it is too short. It’s a man’s cut. Plain and simple. I look like a man — or at the very least a turbo lesbian. In fact, Martina Navratilova has more hair that I do at the moment.

I have a longstanding engagement coming up in August. I think three weeks might be enough time to double the length of my hair to maybe four inches if I eat nothing but gelatin and prenatal vitamins between now and then.

Aside from trying on hats, wigs and head scarves — mail order, of course, since I won’t be leaving the house — I think I’ll be plenty busy planning revenge on my former new stylist.

Mark this one down as Life Lesson # 29. “Never get your hair cut by a new stylist unless you have eight weeks straight to spend inside the house.”