Tag Archives: Alabama

A Little Confession

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This will hurt. (Some of you, anyway.)

In fact, I’m a little choked up. I can barely get the words out of my fingers. I’m so afraid this will be the end.

The end of us. But I respect our relationship enough to be honest, even when it’s risky.

I … well… I sort of…

… watched the Arkansas-Alabama game last Saturday.

I’m sure you expect an explanation. Just give me a moment to loosen the noose around my neck.

As per my quandary of a previous post, I elected not to watch the game at all. I didn’t want to chance it. Instead, I spent most of Saturday in the garage working on a little building project. I used power tools. Pneumatic ones. It was a real She-Ra Princess of Power moment.

But it was hot. I was flecked with sawdust. Pestered by mosquitos. All I wanted was a drink. Like any other tragic collision of circumstance, it must have been preordained.

Kind of like the iceberg that sank the Titanic.

I was on my way to the kitchen. My eyes locked onto the TV and found the scoreboard before I could stop them: 20-17, Arkansas. Just 5:55 left to play.

My heart leapt before I could stop it. I turned away, skidded for the kitchen, muttering: “I didn’t see anything, I didn’t see anything…”

The euphoria lasted the 90 seconds it took for the announcer to call: “Interception!”

In case you missed the game, allow me. The Razorbacks led the #1 team in the country for nearly the entire game. Until I happened to look at the screen.

My work in this field is unprecedented.

24-20, Alabama.

I’m sorry. (Again.)

Fellow Razorbacks: If you’re going to kill me, I ask only that you make proper burial arrangements on my behalf.

Thank you.

Cardinal to Crimson, or My New Team

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Just in time for today’s Game Day festivities, I’ve selected the unlucky recipient of my new college football allegiance.

It’s taken some very deliberate consideration and the swallowing of certain deep-seated prejudices, no doubt, but the determination to spur on my Razorbacks to a long-awaited championship title is worth no end of personal mortification.

On that note, the runner-up.

The obvious choice seemed to be the University of Oklahoma. Their status as a football powerhouse aside, motivation to target the Sooners with my unfortunate loyalties was amplified by the draw of camaraderie with their massive fan machine. Many of my friends are rabid OU fans, presenting a vista of watch parties and maybe even an actual game. Can you imagine sitting in the company of 82,000 Sooner fans, sabotaging the game from within their midst just by sitting in the stands?

But I could never get away with it.

Even if my friends conveniently forgot where I went to school, I’ve already exposed my true motives. And I don’t have money to replace slashed tires, repair broken windows or dispose of dead animals nailed to my front door.

No, no. OU is safe from me. (Unless of course they face off with Arkansas, in which case I’ll be hanging from the rafters, singing “Boomer Sooner” at the top of my lungs.)

I’d rather turn my attention to the main obstacle to Arkansas’s championship prospects — and my new college football allegiance —The University of Alabama Crimson Tide. (Sorry, Katherine.)

Odds makers are favoring the Crimson Tide to go all the way. But the first hurdle to clear is the conference title: in Alabama’s case, the SEC.

To which conference does Arkansas belong? The SEC, you say? Hmmmm. My motives suddenly become clear.

Having taken a crash course in Alabama fandom, I’m waiting only for today’s game to put my theory to the test. If I’m right, there’s no telling to what depths the Crimson Tide may sink this year.

To which I can only say: “Roll, Tide, Roll.”

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