The Dragonslayer’s Wife. Queen Mother of two Knights of The Realm and a pea-sized Princess. Keeper of the castle. Dame of The Order of Goldfish. Empress of Errands. Mistress of Meals. Writer betimes. Luckiest woman in the world.

I’m also dynamite with hyperbole.

In less superlative terms: I’m a stay-at-home mama with a Theatre degree. I’ve been married to my college sweetheart for more than a decade. We have two little boys and a brand-new baby girl. I “retired” from non-profit arts administration in 2004 because I figured if I was going to spend my days cleaning up other people’s crap for little money and even less appreciation, I might as well do it for my kids instead.

I’ve spent six years raising two little dimpled imps who will someday, I hope, become the courageous, chivalrous and idealistic Knights-In-Shining-Armor of tomorrow. (Lord, help us to do it right. I think we could use a few more of those out there.) And now that we’ve added a little girlie to the mix, we’re trying to unlearn a few bad habits — mostly those associated with bodily noises and nudity — so we can raise a young lady instead of a full-fledged hoyden.

In between times, I write. Probably because the Betty Ford Center has yet to develop a program for people like me. (Rejection letters would be a great tool for aversion therapy.) For the most part, I write screenplays with the occasional detour into fiction. I used to write poetry, too, but that was in college when I thought I knew everything about life.

And then I became a mother.

Sometimes I call myself The Anti-Feminist. I’m one of those “gender traitors” who actually relishes staying at home with my children.

I love adult conversation. And lunching. And professional accomplishment. And shoes with no treads on them. And paychecks. But not enough to ever want to “go back to work” in the usual sense. For starters, I hate being told what to do. I hate schedules. I hate meetings. Phone calls. Emails. Tasks. Blah.

I love naps. And baby dimples. And books. And the DVR. And preschool imaginations. And snuggles. And homemade cookies. Reigning over my little kingdom with a headband tiara and a spatula sceptre.

I’m very blessed to call this life my own. My Knight-In-Shining-Armor handles the slaying of beasts and the replenishment of the castle treasury. And that’s just his day job. He is my hero. From which peril would he shrink in service to his lady? “None,” quoth she.

I only wish I deserved him. I have lots of aspirations about being the perfect mother, the perfect wife, and mistress of the perfect home, balancing it all with saintly charity work, literary success and a slammin’ bod. And then the moment passes and I flop on the couch to have some chocolate and bleed the DVR dry.

I hope these few glimpses into my daily grind make you smile. Or laugh. Or think. Or at least not offend. Happy reading and thanks for stopping by!